Lonely No Longer
by Little Rachael
Summary: Natalia reaches out to Fauxnel when he needs a friend.


"_Skreeeeeeeeee_!"

The harpy's cry rang through the forest as she honed in on her terrified prey.

"S-stay back!" he cried as he raised his arms to defend himself. "I'm a sorcerer! I know magic, and I'll use it if-_aieeeee_!"

Natalia watched in horror as the flying hag slashed at the hapless mage. If only she were faster...

"Sir Fauxnel!"

At the last moment, Earnest got between Fauxnel and the harpy to parry her attack. But she was too fast, and her talons easily ripped through his armor. He screamed in pain and fell back into Fauxnel's arms.

Suddenly, a shower of daggers rained down on the harpy, piercing her hide like needles in a pincushion.

"_Skreeeee_!"

The weakened harpy let out a furious shriek, but before she could lash out at her attacker, Ushio dashed into the fray and cut off her head.

"Ugh..." Fauxnel wavered on his feet, but managed to stay upright. "So gruesome."

"Sir Earnest, are you all right?" Natalia knelt at his side. "Where is Sir Lockswell? Sir Earnest needs immediate medical attention!"

"Here." Fauxnel shrugged out of his overcoat and pressed it over Earnest's wounds. "We must try and slow the bleeding until he gets here."

"I'll try and find him." Ushio took off running, disappearing into the woods just as Lockswell came out of them.

"What happened?" he asked when he arrived at the scene.

"Slashed by a harpy's talons." Natalia cradled Earnest's head in her lap to soothe him. "Sir Earnest, Sir Lockswell is here. You'll be okay."

"Ha ha..." Earnest's voice was weak as he smiled up at her. "I've got a lot to do before I can afford to die. Besides, this is nothing compared to the pain I felt when the revolution failed."

"She missed any vital organs, but my magic won't heal him completely." Lockswell frowned. "Sir Earnest, you will need to stay off your feet for a while."

"That's...no good...I...justice..." Earnest closed his eyes and began to snore.

"Lady Natalia, please help me carry him," said Lockswell. "Sir Fauxnel, you may take your coat back; he will not need it anymore."

"Oh, dear," Fauxnel sighed as he held the garment at arm's length. "These bloodstains will never come out. I shall have to get a new overcoat, and matching trousers."

Despite the insensitivity of his comment, Natalia noticed a sorrowful look in his eyes. She was certain that it was not out of concern for his clothes. Fauxnel spoke of them often, but his heart was never really in it. This was the first time she had seen him looking so sad.

He certainly was an enigma.

It was after midnight. Natalia had been at Earnest's side for several hours, but his condition was stable, and she needed her sleep. She stepped out of his tent into the cool night air, and was surprised to see Fauxnel sitting in front of a fire.

"Sir Fauxnel, I am surprised to find you still awake."

"Ah..." Fauxnel quickly got to his feet. "I...I was just cold, is all. After all, my overcoat is horribly stained and...That is to say, I am not complaining, but...Well, um, that is..."

"Shh...It's alright. I know what you mean." Natalia sat at his feet, and he awkwardly sat down next to her.

"...How is Sir Earnest?"

Natalia smiled and shook her head. "Still sleeping."

"I see. I'm glad." Fauxnel stared at the ground and muttered, "You don't have to be so polite. I'm just Fauxnel."

"And I'm just Natalia. There's no need to be so uncomfortable."

"I suppose..." Fauxnel sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. "Forgive me. I am not used to company."

"Fauxnel..."

The loneliness in his voice was heartbreaking. Although he was only a few years younger than Natalia, he reminded her of a lost child.

"It's my fault, really." Fauxnel's voice broke, and he chewed his lip for a moment before answering. "I...have betrayed the trust of everyone who ever cared for me. Would you believe me if I told you I wasn't always this loathsome?"

"Yes. I know that you are not an evil person."

"Natalia...Thank you." Fauxnel looked away and continued. "'Fauxnel' is not even my real name. It's 'Faulkner.' Faulkner LeBeau."

Natalia nodded. "I figured that you were from House LeBeau when you told us of your history with House Haughn."

"It's no secret. Anyway, I cannot return to the royal court now. I have dirtied my hands, for nothing. I...I only wanted to redeem my house...I couldn't even do that!" He buried his head in his hands and wept.

Natalia said nothing, but remained where she was.

"Valmur was a true friend of mine. So were Rosea and Lieselotte. Sir Cennair, too. I...I am to blame for all their deaths. Even Valmur's brother, Nicolas' death was my fault. I knew that my actions might lead to someone's death, yet I..."

"You accept culpability for your actions," Natalia said quietly. "That is the first step to forgiving yourself."

"Forgiving myself...?"

"Yes. In order to truly forgive yourself, you must first acknowledge that what you did was wrong."

Fauxnel let out a mirthless laugh. "I do not deserve to be forgiven. I have caused far too much pain for those I claimed to care about."

"I understand," Natalia admitted. "And I cannot fault you for feeling that way. I can't forgive myself, either."

Fauxnel's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Natalia...You..."

"I am a mother." Natalia heard her own voice shaking. "I gave birth to twins 12 years ago. I was determined to raise them with all my love and support."

"What happened?"

"I was naive," she whispered. "I thought that if I loved them enough, then somehow we could get by. But what little work I could find was not enough to eat. I could not produce enough milk to feed them properly. I couldn't let them go hungry. I finally decided to leave them at an orphanage. I entertained the idea that maybe, someday, I would be able to go back and find them...But by the time I returned, they were gone. One of the nuns told me they had run away." The scene around her blurred as she blinked back tears. "Not a day goes by where I don't wish I had kept them."

"There was nothing you could have done," Fauxnel said, his voice awkward. "I mean...I never had any children, but...if I had, I...I imagine I would have wanted to do whatever I could for them, even at the expense of my own happiness. That's what you did, isn't it? You couldn't have known they would run away."

Natalia smiled at how clumsy he sounded when he spoke from the heart. "You really are a good person, Fauxnel. You're just lonely."

Fauxnel's face turned bright pink. "We're not talking about me."

"It's all right." Natalia took his hand. "I'm lonely, too."

"I...I...I..." Fauxnel squirmed.

"Fauxnel..." She leaned in close. "Would you like to sleep with me?"

"Sleep with you?" he repeated. "What are you saying?"

"Exactly that. I am inviting you to sleep in the same bed as me tonight."

"Just sleep?"

"Yes. As friends."

"Friends..." Fauxnel seemed taken off guard by the word.

"There's no pressure, Fauxnel," she assured him. "If you don't want to do it, you don't have to."

"Well, I...I didn't say that." Fauxnel cleared his throat. "I wouldn't mind...if you think you can trust me, that is..."

"I'll take my chances." Natalia stood up and headed for her tent. "I'll be ready in a few minutes. Join me whenever you want."

No less than five minutes had passed before Fauxnel entered Natalia's tent. She was already in her sleepwear and under the covers.

"Would you like me to turn away so you can change?" she asked.

"It, it doesn't matter," he stammered. "I will sleep in my shirt and trousers tonight, and wash them in the morning."

"Will you be comfortable, though?"

Fauxnel shook his head. "No, I often sleep this way when I am too exhausted to change."

Natalia watched as he unbuttoned his vest and set it on the ground. The shirt underneath was loose and revealed a lot of his chest and a little bit of his stomach. She couldn't help admiring his body, but kept any comments about it to herself.

_He's meeker than I thought_, she mused to herself. "It's alright, Fauxnel." She drew back the covers so he could see that she was clothed. "Lie down next to me. You do not need to touch me."

"I...I'm not afraid of touching a woman," he insisted, and he lay down on the very edge of the bed. "It's just, I don't want to touch you without you wanting me to."

"Fauxnel...there's nothing wrong with casual touching. Hugging, holding hands, and kissing the cheeks and forehead make humans feel safe and happy. It's not the same as sex. Earnest and I have done those things many times, and have never considered ourselves to be lovers."

Fauxnel moved a little closer, but still kept his distance. "You and Earnest are very close, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"I...I wish I could be that close to someone," he said sadly. "I have never been touched tenderly by anyone since I was a child. And after I began working for the royal court, I tried to distance myself from everyone. I brought this on myself."

"But that could change now," she reminded him. "Would you like me to hold you?"

Fauxnel moved closer and slowly nodded.

Natalia wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed his head against her chest. Fauxnel started.

"It's alright," she whispered in his ear. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to push you away. It's okay to relax. It's okay to trust me."

As the minutes passed, Fauxnel's body began to relax. Natalia kissed him on the cheek.

"See? There's nothing to be afraid of. You can be loved, Fauxnel. You can start over."

"Me...start over?"

"And if you don't feel like you can do it yet, then there's no pressure." She stroked his soft blond hair, speaking in a soothing voice. "Because it's never too late to start over. No matter what you've done, or how long you've waited."

"But if I were to die tomorrow...I would regret not starting over." Fauxnel's voice was fading.

"Regardless of when we die, there will always be things we regret not doing," she murmured. "You must console yourself with the fact that you're trying your best. We all are."

"Natalia..."

"Hmm?"

"Do you think...we could do this again sometime?"

"Of course." Natalia hugged him tightly and pressed her lips against his forehead. "Any time you want. I'll be waiting."

"Yes, I think I'll go with this one," said Fauxnel. "What do you think, Natalia? I feel that navy blue is a good color on me."

Natalia nodded. "I think cool colors do suit you better, Fauxnel. And blue makes you look mature-regal, even."

"Regal..." Fauxnel smiled. "I like that."

"Natalia's got a new shopping buddy," Wylfred whispered to Ushio, who snickered.

Fauxnel turned to face Ushio with a death glare in his eyes. Then, his face softened and he smiled. "Forgive me. I suppose I should not assume that you are laughing at me."

Ushio opened his mouth to say that he _was laughing at him, but this time it was Natalia who gave him a death glare._

_"Well, then, I will go pay for this," Fauxnel announced, and he headed in the direction of the sales clerk. After he was out of earshot, Earnest put an arm around her waist._

_"That Fauxnel...He's gonna be alright," he asserted._

_"I know he will," she agreed. She watched him with a warm, maternal look in her eyes. "After all, he chose to start over."_

_END_


End file.
